When Past, Present and Future Collide
by ilovetvalot
Summary: When David Rossi's ex-wife appears seeking advice, can he help her? The Closer/Criminal Minds crossover. Appearences by the team.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: First, I hope you guys enjoy this new story. It will be updated once a week. For those of you that don't recognize the character of Brenda Leigh Johnson, she is a character on the TNT hit, "The Closer".**_

_**We have a few announcements for year today. First, don't forget we have a new challenge open on the forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Sign-ups for our January challenge, "The Happy New Year's Challenge" is open through December 30, 2010. We'd love to have each one of you. **__**Simply swing by the forum (you can link to it thru our profile pages) and sign up with the pairing you'd like to see written and three prompts associated with the holiday. On Jan 1, 2011, you'll be assigned a random pairing (not the one you usually write) and three prompts to write by January 30.**_

_**And don't forget - those that signed up to complete the CM Christmas Fic Gift Exchange, you have exactly seven days left. Please PM me if you have any problems.**_

_**Also, over the next week, we will be shifting our ongoing epic stories to weekly publication, probably two per day. During my husband's deployment, this will probably be the best way for me to update.**_

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

_**As always, thank you to every reader, reviewer, and person that favorites or alerts one of our stories. Hearing from each of you means a great deal to each of us. We truly value your thoughts and opinions. Now, on with our story!**_

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**When Past, Present, and Future Collide**

** Chapter One**

"So," Dave Rossi laughed as he leaned back in his chair, the rare male bonding time he was currently enjoying with his colleagues a welcome relief after weeks of back to back cases, "I'm lying beneath this beautiful woman a few years ago and she's squirming around and yelling my name. And I wonder to myself what this could mean," he added dramatically as he winked at the other men gathered around.

"Obviously," a distinctly unique, painfully familiar Southern voice drawled from the doorway to his office, cutting through the masculine chuckles with a decisive slash, "it meant that she didn't hold the pillow over your fool head long enough, Dave."

Freezing in his seat, Dave swallowed, slowly meeting Aaron Hotchner's twinkling eyes. The tall man who headed the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit couldn't be smiling, could he? Surely not. And surely Dave hadn't just heard what he thought he had, had he? "No. It can't be," Dave whispered, shaking his head as he tried to remove the obvious nightmare from his brain cells. "It's Christmas. And God wouldn't be that cruel."

"Well, that's so sweet. He thinks I'm heaven sent," Brenda Leigh Johnson said brightly, hitching her oversized black bag up her arm and tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she moved inside the crowded office. Her black and white dress whipped around her bare legs as she pulled her jacket slightly, her heels tapping loudly against the tile floor. "Now that must make me an angel, doesn't it?"

"Sorry, Dave," Hotch said hoarsely, choking on a laugh as he grinned toward the newcomer. "Evidently God has abandoned you."

"Oh, he did that a long time ago," Brenda Leigh smirked, waving a negligent hand in the air as she nodded politely to Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid. "How are you, Hotch?" she asked, giving the other man a half hug as she noted David Rossi's clenched face over his broad shoulder. "And hello to you, too, Dave," she said brightly as she winked, her long eyelashes fluttering.

He'd been having such a good morning, Dave thought morosely, watching as she stepped back from Hotch. Please God, let this be a dream. Scratch that, he thought as he shook his head. This couldn't be a dream. Dreams were good...and if they starred one of the women he worked with, they were really good. Nope, this was a nightmare. Let it be a nightmare. He could wake up from a nightmare, couldn't he? Although, he reminded himself heavily, it was obvious that the woman hadn't showed up at the Federal Bureau of Investigation on a whim…and God only knew that Brenda Leigh Johnson didn't do one damn thing on a whim. Not at all.

That woman was up to something…and he was sorely afraid that he was about to find out what it was.

"Well, since my former husband has the manners of a billy goat, maybe you'll introduce me to the others, Hotch?" Brenda Leigh suggested, pursing her lips and shooting Dave a frustrated glare. Honest to goodness, she thought to herself, had the man turned to stone when she wasn't looking? Hadn't she earned a few moments after suffering through that sham of year he'd dared to call a marriage?

Nope, no nightmare, Dave groaned to himself as he barely resisted the urge to bang his head against the floor. That condemning voice was all too real. A figment of his imagination, maybe?

Lips twitching even harder, Hotch nodded toward Brenda as he fought the laughter bubbling in his throat. "Morgan, Reid," he said with an amused look at his two gawking colleagues, "meet Brenda Leigh Johnson, Dave's last wife. Brenda Leigh, my colleagues, Derek Morgan and Dr. Spencer Reid. I believe you already have prior knowledge of the man behind me," he said, jerking his head toward a disgruntled Dave.

"Unfortunately," Brenda replied breezily, rolling her eyes as she pasted on a wide smile. "Gentleman, it's nice to meet ya'll," she said as she turned toward the two other men, shaking each man's hand.

"You, too," Derek said courteously as he grinned, dark eyes twinkling. "What brings you here, Ms. Johnson?"

"Yeah, I'd like to know that, too," Dave interjected grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm fairly certain the arrangement was that I got custody of DC in the divorce and you got the other fifty states."

"Quantico is a federal reservation," Brenda informed him sweetly, tilting her head to the side, her curly blonde hair slipping against her shoulders. "I'm not breaking any rules, Dave."

"That'd be a first," Dave grunted darkly, peering around Hotch. Waving a hand in the air, he muttered, "I don't see any broomstick. How'd you get in here?"

"Your memory must be going in your old age. The broomstick belonged to your mother, David. It went back to her in the divorce, remember?"

Seeing Dave's face flush angrily at his ex-wife's supposedly sweet words, Aaron Hotchner interrupted quickly, "So what brings you to Quantico, Brenda?"

"Actually, it was a tiny bit of former business with the Agency that called me back here." Brenda shrugged prettily as she continued, "I had to testify in a case. I'm on a flight back to L.A. tonight."

"Praise God," Dave muttered, taking a sip of his coffee, his fingers tightening against the ceramic mug. He only had one question in his mind at that moment. What in the world had he done to deserve a visit from the Wicked Witch of the West Coach?

"L.A.?" Reid asked, his eyes widening as he smiled in Brenda's direction.

"Brenda heads up the Major Crimes Unit for L.A.P.D.," Hotch informed him, biting back a smile as the young genius nodded rapidly.

"Still working with the Pope," Rossi grunted, glaring at her as he slumped down into his seat. "That must be cozy. Him, you and your new husband," Dave sneered.

"Maybe Fritz is just better at sharing than you were." Brenda smiled ever so sweetly as she arched one thin brow. Had she really expected Dave not to bring up her current boss and former lover? It was no state secret that there was no love lost between Will Pope, Assistant Chief of Operations of the LAPD, and David Rossi, her former husband. "Of course, he would be. He's actually around to _**be**_ better. But then again, I'm used to being crowded," she told the other men, tapping her stiletto heel against the linoleum. Twisting her full lips from side to side, she whispered loudly, "When Dave and I were married, it was him, me and his ego."

"Speaking of Fritz," Dave growled from the sidelines, ignoring her latest jab, "since you have a new husband to torture, why are you here?"

"You married again?" Hotch's eyes widened on Brenda as he started to smile again. "Dave isn't talking about Fritz Howard, is he?"

"He is!" Brenda smiled widely, showing Hotch her ring finger, wagging her hand so that her gold band glittered under the fluorescent lights. She had always liked Aaron Hotchner! And his Southernly manners were just icing on her proverbial cake. "Just under a year now. You know Fritz?"

"Sounds like you're talking about a damned butler," Dave grumbled under his breath. "Who the hell would do that to a kid?"

"He's named after his grandfather, Rossi," Brenda Leigh snapped out as she defended her husband. Huffing, she pulled her purse higher on her shoulder as she added, archly, "It wasn't as though his parents consulted him on his name."

Hotch nodded as he said to his other two colleagues, "Fritz and I went through the Academy together. Damn good agent. The Bureau's lucky to have him on our team."

"Pity about his name then," Dave added sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he stretched out his legs.

"Actually Fritz is a name commonly used in Germany...in a lot of the upper crust families as well," Reid interjected helpfully, blushing slightly when the beautiful woman smiled widely in his direction.

"As I recall we kicked those upper crust families' asses in a little something called World War II," Rossi said smugly.

Rolling her eyes, Brenda Leigh blinked at Dave. "Since I need to scoot on out of here quick as a bunny, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to spare for an old..."

"Wife? Nag? Pain in my ass?" Rossi smirked as he completed her sentence, raising an eyebrow.

"I was going to say friend," Brenda frowned, pursing her lips.

"Unless you're planning on returning my balls from the big ass bag on your shoulder...you know, the ones you stole in the divorce proceedings..." Dave shrugged, draining the last of his coffee from his mug.

"And here I was hoping that after all these years, we could actually act civilized," Brenda sighed dramatically.

"Brenda Leigh, your father burned me in effigy on his front lawn! I'd say civilized went out the window quite a few years ago," Dave snapped, straightening in his chair as he remembered the less-than-sterling reception he had received from the elder Johnsons. "Hell, woman, I can't enter the Atlanta airspace without an armed guard. And even then I'm fairly certain your father's got some of his Army buddies hiding in the bushes, ready to defend your so-called honor."

"We're just gonna leave you two to it then," Hotch said quickly, gesturing the other two laughing men toward the door.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Johnson," Morgan chortled, casting a humorous glance toward the blonde who had obviously found a way to terrorize Rossi in ways most women could only imagine.

"And I really like the name Fritz," Reid added quickly as Hotch shoved him out of the office and into the hallway.

"Take care, Brenda. Dave, be nice," Hotch grinned, closing the door behind him.

"Why does everybody always assume that I'm the one that needs to be nice," Dave complained, glaring at the closed door.

"They know you?" Brenda shrugged, rounding the desk. Reaching for the top drawer, she grimaced when she saw nothing but the typical office paraphernalia. "Don't you ever eat?" she muttered, glaring in his direction.

"Sorry, I trashed the Ho Ho stash after you left me," Dave retorted as he smiled, baring his teeth.

Shoving the drawer closed with an audible sigh, she leaned against the desk. "C'mon, Dave. I know you have something in here."

Rolling his eyes, Dave reached for another drawer. "Don't tell me you came all the way to Quantico because you needed somebody to feed you, Brenda," he replied, reaching inside and pulling out a couple of bite sized candy bars.

Snatching them from his hand, she muttered, "No." Tearing off the paper with her teeth, she moaned as she took a bite, allowing the chocolate to melt on her tongue.

Propping his chin on his hand as he watched her, Dave shook his head. "Swear to God, I think those candy bars gave you better orgasms than any man could - me, Pope and Fritz included."


	2. Chapter 2

_**We have a few announcements for year today. First, don't forget we have a new challenge open on the forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Sign-ups for our January challenge, "The Happy New Year's Challenge" is open through December 30, 2010. We'd love to have each one of you. Simply swing by the forum (you can link to it thru our profile pages) and sign up with the pairing you'd like to see written and three prompts associated with the holiday. On Jan 1, 2011, you'll be assigned a random pairing (not the one you usually write) and three prompts to write by January 30. **_

_****__Thank you so much to everyone that participated in the first year of our CM Christmas Fic Exchange_! We had a blast reading each really fabulous story! 

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

**

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**When Past, Present & Future Collide**

**Chapter Two**

"Do you ever think before you speak?" Brenda Leigh snapped, gesturing for a couple more mini-candy bars before throwing herself in the chair in front of his desk.

"Hey," Dave shrugged as he tossed the wrapped candies in her direction, "You showed up in MY office, babe. Don't blame me if you don't like what I've got to say," he smirked, leaning back in his chair as he stared across the desk at her. "Speaking of which, why are you here anyway? Don't you have a new husband to torture?"

"Yeah," Brenda muttered as she wrinkled her nose, sinking her teeth into the chocolate with relish. "He's the reason I'm here, Dave. Well, sort of."

"Wanna try that in English, Brenda?" Dave asked with growing impatience, quirking an eyebrow. Jesus, nothing had changed. He still needed a fucking road map to follow her line of logic. And this, he reminded himself, was one of the reasons he had ran screaming from her, wasn't it?

Sighing heavily, Brenda threw the empty candy wrappers on his desk. "Fritzy is the reason I'm here, Dave," she stated unhappily.

"Jesus, now it sounds like you're talking about a dog, Brenda. Let's just call him Agent Howard, okay? And what have I got to do with him?"

"Nothing," Brenda admitted grudgingly, pursing her lips as she narrowed her gaze on her ex-husband. "And everything," she added, shifting in her seat. "It's just...he wants me to take this promotion at work."

"What promotion?" Dave inquired, not because he cared, but because he knew from hard experience that the only way to get Brenda out of his office was to just play along. Otherwise, she would become a permanent fixture in his life, and if he was not mistaken, he had already lived through THAT hell!

"Assistant Chief of Police," she mumbled, her busy fingers attacking another candy bar.

"Pope's job," Rossi gaped as he sat up straight, his eyes widening as he felt a grin growing on his lips. "Oh, I'll bet that old son of a bitch is loving that," he laughed, rubbing his hands together.

"You don't have to be so happy about it," Brenda said pertly. "I don't know why I came here. You're every bit as bad as Fritz."

"Gee, imagine that," Dave drawled, sarcasm dripping from every word. "I don't like the guy that busted up my marriage. Can't imagine why your current husband doesn't like him, Brenda," Dave snorted, rolling his eyes. "Especially if he knows the real reason our marriage fell apart," Dave added pointedly, tapping his finger against his blotter.

"He does," Brenda nodded grimly. "Trust me, Dave, he knows everything."

"Then why are you surprised?"

"Because, I've never been unfaithful to Fritz and I happen to like the job I have. I'm good at it," Brenda informed him pertly, straightening her thin shoulders underneath her lightweight cardigan.

"Brenda, we both know you'll be good at anything you put your mind to, Pope's job included," Dave replied evenly, his tone honest. "That's not why you're hesitating. I know it. You know it. And, most importantly, by the looks of things, Fritz knows it."

"I don't know what you're talkin' bout," Brenda huffed, throwing another wrapper at Dave, her aim still as good as it had been when they were married. "Fritz is just bein' ridiculous for goodness sake. I don't want Will's job. I'm happy..."

"With him," Dave remarked, deftly pulling the metallic paper from his hair and dropping it in the nearby trash.

"With who?"

"Pope," Dave retorted.

"Chief Pope and I have developed a very good working relationship through the years. I can..."

"...get around him whenever you want by batting those long lashes of yours," Dave supplied knowingly, leaning back in his seat again as he watched her eyes widen in pure outrage.

"I do not!"

"Yeah, you do," Dave chuckled, enjoying the moment. "Or should I say, you still do." Seeing the mutinous set of her chin, Dave held up a hand. "I'm not saying that you don't usually know what's best, Brenda, but we both know you enjoy managing Will. You thrive on this chemistry you have with him. Why the hell are you shocked that Fritz wants to short circuit the frequency?"

"Because I haven't done anything to earn his distrust," Brenda snapped, rising from her chair to step around Dave's desk. Jerking open the top drawer, she glared at him, "And I don't appreciate your insinuation regarding my so-called chemistry with Will. That science experiment blew up in my face, if you remember right. I lost my marriage and my job."

"Oh, please," Dave snorted, frowning at the array of candy wrappers littering his desk as she tore into another bar viciously, "Brenda, we both know you no longer wanted either of those things. Don't write a revisionist history. It's beneath you."

"You're still insufferable," Brenda tossed over her shoulder as she carried a handful of candy back to her seat.

"If you didn't want the truth, you knew better than to come and see me. I'm with Fritz. Take the job, Brenda Leigh."

"Will hasn't done anything wrong. Takin' his job...doin' that to a friend...it's a betrayal, Dave!" Brenda argued, chomping away as she let the chocolate sooth her frazzled nerves. "And it's tacky."

"Tacky?" Dave echoed, his jaw dropping. "And forcing your husband to watch you working with the guy that he knows ruined your first marriage, isn't? Are you kidding me?"

/XXX/

Squeezing his eyes closed, Aaron Hotchner winced as he recoiled slightly from the door he pressed against. Some might have called it eavesdropping. He called it being proactively prepared. Forewarned was forearmed, wasn't it? And the last time he'd left those two unsupervised, the Atlanta fire department had to send three tankers to deal with the aftermath. Brenda Leigh had not responded well to Rossi's ultimatums and no amount of candy sacrifice could divert that battle.

If there was one thing he was sure of, Sherman had shit on a pissed off Brenda Leigh Johnson.

"Hotch?"

Aaron jumped at the unexpected quiet voice behind him. Then he cringed. "JJ," he said pleasantly, turning and pressing his back against Dave's door. "Something I can do for you?"

"Uhmmm...are you eavesdropping on Dave?" JJ asked, her brow creased in confusion as she shifted her gaze from closed door to her nonplussed unit chief.

"Me? No," he said quickly, shaking his head as he attempted to present a professional front. "I'm...well...I'm..."

"...eavesdropping?" JJ supplied helpfully, biting back a smile.

"Sort of," Hotch amended, as he heard a disgruntled feminine voice yelp at something Dave said inside. "What are you doing here?"

"I need Dave's signature on some files," JJ frowned, holding the folders in her hand in front of her. "What are YOU doing here?"

"Preparing to save Dave's life again...if necessary," he muttered unhappily as a muffled shout reached his ears. "You don't want to go in there, JJ," he warned seriously, his brow furrowing as he heard a sharp retort from beyond the wooden door.

"Why not?" JJ asked curiously, cocking her head at her less than forthright boss.

"Dave has…company," Hotch stated vaguely, deciding that discretion just might be the better part of valor at this point.

"Okay. Who?"

"His ex-wife," Hotch grimaced as he heard the distinct sound of a foot stomping.

Mouth rounding, JJ's mouth fell open as she took a step closer. "Ohhhh...which one?" she whispered in amazement.

And just like that, Hotch had company at Dave's door.

Oh well, he sighed to himself as he leaned closer to the closed door, two ears were better than one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**_** "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum would like to announce that we have opened signups for our first annual "Valentine's Fic Gift Exchange". Signups are thru January 31st and assignments will be made on February 1st for this one. Simply name the pairings you are willing to write, the pairing you would like to receive as a gift, one famous love song and three Valentine's Day prompts.**_

_**Finally, new Fortune Cookie prompts are available at the forum for those of us that need a kick start to our writing muses.**_

_**As ever, thank you for reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate each one of you. And because I haven't said it in a while, we (neither ilovetvalot or tonnie2001969) own Criminal Minds (though we really wish we did).**_

_*****For those of you that know my writing, I wanted to let you know that things may be sporadic for the next few days. The hubby departs for Afghanistan Thursday for a year-long deployment. Please bear with me as I find my new groove. I'm moving slowly, but I'm not down for the count.*****_

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**When Past, Present, and Future Collide**

**Chapter Three**

Pressing her cheek to the unyielding door, JJ listened closely as she hissed under her breath, "All I can hear is some sort of screeching sound. Which ex-wife did you say it was?"

Sighing as he glanced over at JJ's face, Hotch admitted, "Number Three. Otherwise known as …"

"Brenda Leigh," JJ finished for him, closing her eyes as she remembered the tiny blonde that she had met only once before. And if she remembered correctly, this ex-wife, in a well-publicized fit of rage, had been responsible for the destruction of Dave's carefully hoarded collection of aged whiskey. Oh, great!

But before she could express any of those thoughts aloud, a muffled thud filled the air and she heard Hotch mutter, "Oh shit. That sounded like a crash. Please don't let her take out a window again."

**/***/**

Stomping her foot against the harsh linoleum floor, Brenda Leigh Johnson Rossi Howard picked up the nearest missile she could lay her hands on. Fortunately for her intended victim, it was only a small stapler, which went sailing past his head, luckily missing hitting any vital part of his body only because he managed to duck at just the last moment.

"It is NOT my fault that Fritz is workin' in the same buildin' as I am now, Dave! Nobody asked ME for MY permission to have MY FBI husband workin' side by side with MY LAPD division." Slamming her hands to her dress-covered hips, Brenda Leigh added, "So if Fritz has got a problem with watching me do MY job because that's what I get paid for, then he needs to go find himself another profession!"

"Careful what you wish for, honey," Dave retorted, sarcasm dripping from the so-called term of endearment as he straightened in his chair. Watching carefully as her hand moved toward the tape dispenser on his desk, he slid to the side as he added, knowingly, "Could be that old Fritzy might be just the man to be wearing the Pope's robes if you don't step up to the plate."

Bright eyes flashing in the middle of cramming another candy bar into her mouth, Brenda Leigh's eyes narrowed as she chomped around the chocolate treat. Swallowing quickly, she said, voice tight with suspicion,"Funny the way you put that. It's just like you know that's a possibility."

Shrugging uncomfortably, Dave pressed his lips together. Damn it, he'd forgotten about those eagle ears of hers. "You're hearing things."

"No, I don't think I am," Brenda shook her head, dropping a wrapper on Dave's desk with a flick of her fingers as she tightened her other hand around the tape dispenser.

"Oh, for God's sake, Brenda Leigh," Dave grumbled, his OCD tendencies rearing their ugly heads as he snatched the small trash can from beside his desk and swept his other arm across the polished surface, collecting the discarded wrappers with one fell swoop. "You still think you live in a barn."

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Brenda snorted as she rolled her eyes. "It's just a few wrappers. You sound just like Fritzy."

"No, Fritzy sounds just like me. I'm convinced you marry men that like things neat as a preventative measure for drowning in your own filth," Dave muttered, slamming the trash container back to the floor.

"Well, thank you," Brenda smiled sweetly, her smile not reaching her eyes. "Thank you very much. Now, what do you know, Rossi? "

"I know that you aren't the only person that the new chief has his eye on. Why do you think Fritz has the inside track, Brenda? Put the pieces together for God's sake."

"How do you know this?" Brenda asked impatiently, her eyes roaming around his desk as if she could find some piece of incriminating evidence to condemn him with.

"Because I make it a point to know about things that may directly affect me. This unit still does occasionally make it to LA," he snorted, tapping his fingers against the edge of his desk. "And I'd really hate it if I had to answer to you outside of the bedroom," Dave said in a wicked grin.

"And you heard..."

"If you don't take the job, your husband is definitely a strong contender," Dave supplied helpfully, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms behind his head. For once in his life, he honestly had the upper hand on the blonde demon that had terrorized him for years…and it felt damn good.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Brenda breathed, her eyes wide as she plopped back into her chair heavily, her dress flouncing around her legs. "I don't wanna work for Fritz," Brenda stated absently, staring at some spot over Dave's head.

"I didn't want to end my marriage over a guy named Pope, Brenda," Dave snorted. "I'm Catholic, for Christ's sake! But, we don't always get what we want."

"But sometimes we get what...or who we need," Brenda said meaningfully after a moment of silence. "Dave, a need a teeny tiny favor."

"How small?"

"Why, it's so small you'll never even notice doing it," Brenda said sweetly, ignoring the decidedly mistrustful tone in his voice.

Oh, Christ! He knew that look. She'd already set that tiny chin of hers...those eyes were already glinting fiercely under the florescent lights of his office. And as surely as the sun would rise in the morning, his ass was doomed if he didn't act fast. "Whatever it is, Brenda Leigh," he began shaking his head furiously, "the answer is no!"

"Now, Dave is that anyway to talk to a friend?" Brenda pouted, tilting her head.

"Well, if we were friends, I'd say you had a point, but since we are not..."

"Well, of course we are," Brenda denied vehemently.

"No, honey," Dave argued, "We're just two people that happen to have once been married. A friend asks you to pick up your mail when you're out of town. A friend will pick you up from the airport. A friend will even, occasionally, fork over bail money. But a friend does NOT save the job of the man that lit a fuse on the stick of dynamite that blew up his marriage!" he finished on a booming yell.

"Now, Dave, our problems weren't just with Will," Brenda soothed, shaking her head as she blinked rapidly.

"Will!" Dave spat. "Somebody explain to me why all my problems always seem to center around guys with the name Will?" Seriously, first it was the Pope, and now, it was LaMontagne. That name needed to be eradicated from the human race, along with the men attached to it.

/XXX/

And standing outside the closed door, Aaron Hotchner noted his media liaison's flushed face and twitching lips as they both heard that incriminating statement. "Anything you'd care to share, JJ?" he asked with a raised brow and knowing look.

"I...well...nope!" JJ said hastily, shaking her blonde head as she studiously avoided her unit chief's direct gaze.

"Uh huh," Hotch snorted, pressing his ear to the door again, making a mental note to get to the bottom of BOTH stories in the very near future.

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_**Author's Note 2 - This is for you, Mike. My Hero (most of the time).**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: **__**Calling all readers! Join us for our Awesome January Awards...to recognize and honor the best fics written for any of the challenges on "**__**Chit Chat**__** on Author's Corner" forum! All you have to do is send the title of your favorite fic (and author who wrote it) that was written for a challenge to either ilovetvalot or tonnie2001969's private message inbox. Stories by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 are not eligible for competition. Only one vote per person! For more details and full rules, visit Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. You don't need to be an author to vote, simply visit the forum and review our challenge threads (stories are already and the threads will be pinned to the top of the page). So, everyone, come on over and lets have some fun. Voting commences now and ends January 31, 2011. Awards will be given for first, second and third place.**_

_**Please don't forget about our forum, "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Currently, we're taking signups for our great Valentine's Gift Fic Exchange and we'd love to have everyone sign up. The more the merrier. Details are at the forum and you can PM us with any questions!**_

_**Again, thanks for bearing with me, my fanfic friends!**_

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**When Past, Present, and Future Collide**

**Chapter Four**

"Dave, I can't work for Fritzy," Brenda exclaimed as she shook her head furiously. "We'll kill each other," she huffed, slamming her bag down on his desk and dropping her hands to her hips.

"Not my problem," Dave returned carelessly, narrowing his eyes at his ex-wife. "This is between you, your husband and the guy that boinked my wife."

"Do you have to be so crass?" Brenda frowned, glaring at him.

"Do you have to be so uptight?" Dave retorted, rolling his eyes. "Pope did boink my wife. And I'm not quite as accepting as old Fritzy is," he stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You could stop this, Dave. One tiny bug dropped in one teeny ear and..."

Holding up a hand, Dave shook his head rapidly. "Stop right there, Brenda. You stopped being my problem the day the alimony checks ceased. I've given you my opinion. You've got two choices. Step up or step back."

"Ooohhhhh!" Brenda squealed, throwing her hands up into the air. "Land sakes, you're infuriating!"

"Good thing you're not still married to me, huh?" Dave retorted with a smirk. "You don't have to be burdened with my presence for one second longer. The door's over there," he said, waving a finger toward the door as his scooped up discarded candy papers with his other hand.

Pursing her lips, Brenda Leigh shook her head. "I'm not leavin', Dave. Not until we sort this out."

"Huh?" Dave grunted. Shaking his head, Dave replied, "I think you have your husband's mixed up, Brenda. I'm the ex. My responsibility and, more importantly, my culpability ended when I signed my name to the divorce decree."

"Dave!"

"Brenda!" Rossi mimicked as her phone rang in the depths of her purse.

Dropping her oversized black bag on top of a stack of files on his desk, she rummaged through the contents as she muttered, "You're still the same infuriating pain in my behind that you always were! I should have…"

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda," Dave interrupted, rolling his eyes as he watched her finally snatch the chirping phone from a side pocket. "Damn, Brenda, you could have been hiding Jimmy Hoffa in that thing," he complained as he glared pointedly at the leather satchel.

Ignoring her ex-husband, she glanced down at the display on the phone before flipping open the cover. "Chief Johnson," she chirped, all the while glaring across the desk as she motioned determinedly toward the last piece of chocolate lying in the middle of his blotter.

Letting out a longsuffering sigh, Dave tossed the candy in her direction as he heard her say into the phone, "Lieutenant Provenza, I don't know what you expect me to do about that little detail right now! I'm all the way in DC, for goodness sakes! It's not like I can just click my heels and magically materialize in the middle of your crime scene, now can I?"

Watching as Brenda's brows furrowed, Dave suppressed a chuckle as she stomped a dainty foot against the floor and ripped open the candy bar in her hand.

"I don't care what Commander Taylor says, protocol is protocol. Nobody talks to the press unless..." She paused, listening to the other end of the conversation. "Heavens, no! Chief Pope can NOT take over our crime scene. And neither is Fritz! It's completely out of his jurisdiction anyway! Urrrrggghhhh!" she squealed, pushing her hair out of her face. "Seal it down, Lieutenant. I'll catch the first flight back. Tell Lieutenant Flynn to sit on Taylor if he has to, but nobody says one itty bitty word to the press."

Snapping her phone closed, Brenda hung her head as she dropped it back into the pit of her purse.

"Are the ex and the next not getting along?" Dave asked sweetly, twisting the knife a little just for spite.

"Sometimes it'd be real easy to hate you, Dave," Brenda muttered, lifting her head to gaze at him. "You've got to help me."

"Nope, I've got to pay my taxes and take an eventual dirt nap. That is the extent of my obligations," Dave replied evenly. "Don't you have a broom to catch?"

Straightening, Brenda Leigh pulled her shoulders back as she faced her one-time husband. "Dave," she said sweetly, "do you remember what used to happen when I didn't get my way when we were married?"

"You tended to throw a lot of glass." Dave shrugged as he cocked a brow. "Sorry, but I think that last concussion might have knocked all memory of our time together right out of me," he retorted as he smiled. "Thank God," he added with a reverent look heavenward.

"That's not exactly what I was talking about," Brenda snapped as she shook her head. "So, let me put this in terms you can understand." Smiling ever so sweetly, she said with a chipper tone, "Either you make this one little phone call for me and exert that considerable influence you have or..."

"Or what?" Dave chuckled, leaning back in his chair to grin smugly, "You'll send the seven plagues?"

"No," Brenda said, waving a hand. "I'll simply request you on each and every case that even looks remotely serial in L.A. And Atlanta. You know Daddy still has friends all over the department. It might give ya'll time to see each other and catch up. Bury the hatchet. Maybe in your head this time."

"You wouldn't," Dave gaped, his jaw dropping as he stared at the one woman who could possibly send him to an early grave.

"Oh, but I would," Brenda said cheerfully. And she winked.

**X/X**

"She's blackmailing him?" JJ whispered furiously, her ear pressed flush against the door.

"And doing a pretty effective job at it," Hotch whispered back. "Brenda's dad hates Rossi."

"Good Lord," JJ breathed.

**X/X**

"You're blackmailing me?" Dave thundered, jerking straight up and slamming his feet to the floor.

"Of course not," Brenda huffed. "That would be tacky. I'm just reminding you of your importance in the world of law enforcement. LA and Atlanta are gettin' more and more dangerous every day. You and your team could be a wonderful solution."

"You're still evil," Dave stated with grudging respect.

"You're still stubborn," Brenda snapped as she shrugged. "Besides, leopards don't change their spots. I always knew I needed to use whatever I had in my arsenal on you, Dave. And my chamber's almost empty. But I'll fire that last bullet if I have to. Now, do we have a deal?"

Pressing his lips together, Dave nodded once. "Go back to LA, Broomhilda. I'll make the call before you land. Just do me a favor. Stay on your side of the United States next time."

"Always a pleasure, Dave," Brenda grinned, hitching her bag over her should and slipping out of the office in one smooth movement - headlong into Hotch and JJ.

"Oops," Brenda grunted, running into Hotch. "Still snooping, I see," she said as she winked, righting herself against his arm. "And you brought company this time," she said with a smile at JJ.

"We just wanted to know if we were gonna need the paramedics," Hotch said evenly as he shrugged. "As I recall, the last time we left you unattended, we needed them and half the Atlanta fire department."

"Ahhh...those were the days," Brenda sighed. Looking at JJ, she smiled. "You look just his type. Maybe you could go in and cheer up the Gloomy Gus. He seems to think I rained on his parade. Just don't mention anybody named Will," she laughed, waving over her shoulder as she departed.

And exchanging a shock filled look, the elevators closed on the amused face of Brenda Leigh Johnson.

"Somebody needs to check on Dave," JJ said slowly, blinking at the closed metal doors.

"Not it!" Hotch said, touching his nose before darting around JJ.

"But he's your his best friend!" JJ hissed.

"Uh huh, but you're the one that he'll be happy to see. And trust me, we want Rossi in a good mood. You didn't know him when the separated," Hotch remarked, jerking his head toward the elevator. "Go prove to him that not all women are permanently enamored with the "Wills of the World". Consider it an order," Hotch declared before striding back to his office.

* * *

_**Dedicated to Our Nation's Great Heroes...one of which belongs to me!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: I want to thank our loyal readers that are sticking with us. I know my postings are sporadic these days and I apologize for it. I've received a couple of negative anonymous reviews over that very issue. Real life, especially mine, is complicated. Going from a loving two parent household to a single parent with a husband fighting in a dangerous war is difficult. I'm not asking for sympathy, just please be patient. I promise, I'm writing as fast as I can, but I want to bring you guys something of quality instead of garbage I wrote on the fly.**_

_**And finally, as some of you may or may not know, there are some changes coming for our favorite show and we have opened a "Show Spoilers" thread for readers and authors to discuss their take on episodes and upcoming plotlines.**_

_**As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.**_

* * *

**When Past, Present, and Future Collide**

**Chapter Five**

Drawing in a deep breath as she put her hand on the doorknob, JJ wondered exactly how her day had brought her to this point in time. How had her entire private life suddenly become open to scrutiny? Better yet, how had she fallen right into the middle of what was obviously a modern day retelling of the Hatfields and McCoys? How?

Because you were nosy, Jareau, she chided herself as she rapped on the door then quickly twisted the knob. And with your less than stellar luck, you'll fare no better than the proverbial cat who succumbed to the dangers of curiosity!

Jerking his head up as he watched his door open once again, Dave mentally steeled himself for a reemergence of the she-devil that had apparently returned once again like a bad penny. But instead of the blonde curls of the Evil Ex, he quickly recognized the welcome face of the one woman he could actually stand to see at that moment.

"Jen," he said with an almost sigh of relief, waving his hand in the air as his other hand was automatically picking up the evidence of the candy cavalcade that had invaded his office. "Please don't tell me we caught a case. Please."

"Nothing like that," JJ said as she smiled gently, closing the door behind her. "I just thought I'd pop in and make sure you were..."

"Not on the verge of grabbing a sniper rifle and heading for the roof?" Dave asked dryly, well aware of his ex-wife's reputation for sending him into fits of discomfiture that were well known throughout the Bureau. "Don't look at me like that," he muttered, glancing up at JJ, her jaw dropped in shock, "You don't know that woman like I do."

"Something you want to vent about?" JJ hedged, slowly moving toward the chair in front of his desk, uncertain whether she should sit or not, needing to reserve her options for a hasty retreat.

"You heard it all, didn't you?" Dave asked, quirking a knowing eyebrow as he caught the sudden flush of the young blonde's cheeks.

"It wasn't my fault," JJ said quickly. "Hotch held me hostage outside the door," she explained, more than ready to throw her boss under the proverbial bus. She'd simply been on an errand to deliver a few simple files when she'd been commandeered.

"And he sent you in here to make sure that I wasn't either suicidal or homicidal. It would have been a toss-up. Brenda Leigh has the tendency and tenacity to make me both depending on the occasion," he informed her with a heavy sigh, leaning back in his chair as he picked up a stray candy wrapper.

"Does she also make you crave a diabetic coma?" JJ asked, frowning at the collection of wrappers in his trash can.

"She has a candy addiction. She eats it when she's nervous, or agitated, or angry, or...hell, she never stops eating," Dave grumbled, crumpling another wrapper and tossing it toward the nearby can with accuracy. "Never did learn the art of cleaning up her mess though," he said, his tone not entirely unaffectionate.

"Sounds...interesting," JJ offered weakly, sliding into the seat carefully.

"Oh, there are a lot of adjectives that describe Brenda. Annoying. Persistent. Thorn in my ass," he ground out, his brow furrowing as he fought down another wave of annoyance at his ex-wfe.

"Dave," JJ questioned softly, alarmed by the deep red flush blanketing his cheeks, "are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine now. The black plague has left the building," he said, waving a hand toward his closed door. "God, I hope she's left. Knowing Brenda, she's tapping her foot in the parking lot just to make sure I keep my end of the bargain. But I'm on my way to recovery. I've just got one final commitment to her to keep to her."

"I see," JJ murmured, though she truly didn't. He was divorced. His obligations had ended, hadn't they?

"Then," Dave continued as if she had never spoken, violently thumbing through his address book, "I'm going to find a judge somewhere in this godforsaken country that will declare that I'm free and clear from this point onward!"

"I...ahhh...so you're swearing off the opposite sex forever? Because of your ex-wife? And evidently, men named Will," JJ noted, raising an inquisitive eyebrow and offering him a steady look .

"Boy," Dave grumbled, frowning, "You really did have that little ear of yours pressed against the door, didn't you?"

"Under duress," JJ said quickly. Too quickly.

"I'll bet," Dave smirked, meeting her blue gaze. Pausing in his search for the new mayor's number in LA, he smiled. "Swearing off women forever, huh? That might be an interesting route for me to take."

"Seems like a waste of a man in his prime," JJ said innocently, shrugging her slim shoulders. "Besides, tell the truth, you still like her," she said, referring to the Rossi proclaimed she-devil that had vacated his office earlier.

"I admire her," Dave admitted easily as he flipped to the correct page. "She's good at her job. Although, I gotta say, her taste in men sucks. Present company excluded, of course," he grinned. "Doesn't change the fact that she's a royal pain in my ass when she makes up her mind about something. But, this," he said, tapping his address book, "is officially my last favor in the former matrimonial department."

"Asking you to save her ex-lover's job was a bit..."

"You'd have to know Brenda Leigh," Dave snorted, rolling his eyes. "She honestly believes she's doing the right thing. Besides, if she was happier with the Pope, she didn't need to be with me," Dave shrugged.

"But she wasn't," JJ declared as she shook her head. "She married somebody else."

"His problem now," Dave grinned. "Brenda's idiosyncrasies are no longer my problem. At least not for long. And then..."

"You're swearing off women associated with the name Will or Pope?" JJ raised an eyebrow.

"With the right influence, I might be persuaded to rethink that position," Dave said slowly, his eyes slowly heating as he stared across his desk at her. "You know anybody that might be able to help me reconsider my options, Jen? I mean, the right woman could make all this drama seem like a bad dream."

"Even if she was once involved with a guy named Will?" JJ asked softly, her eyes softening as they stared into his.

"If she swore to me that he was completely and totally in her past, I could definitely make an exception. Especially under the right incentives," Dave offered with a crooked grin.

"Incentives, huh?" JJ smirked, arching one blonde brow as she leaned forward. "What kind of incentives?"

"Well, if she offered to have dinner with me tonight and never once mentioned that dreaded name, it would certainly be a solid step in the right direction. And then, if she kissed me goodnight and made me forget my own name, I'd say she was definitely worth having a Will in her past."

Laughing lightly, JJ winked. "Make your phone call, David Rossi. And pick me up at eight. I might manage to make you forget your name before the appetizer even arrives."

And as he watched his beautiful blonde colleague walk out his office door, David Rossi knew his day had just gotten a hell of a lot brighter.

Hell, he might have to send Brenda Leigh a thank you card.

But, then again, maybe not.

_**Finis**_

* * *

_**Dedicated to my husband and all our heroes fighting overseas!**_


End file.
